Dale and I discovered early on that music had a central place in each of our lives. Over the years of our marriage, music filled our days and brought us joy—at home, at concerts, on the road. We traveled many a mile singing along to songs on the car radio and playing our version of “name that tune.”
Music only grew in importance when we began living with Alzheimer’s. In mid-stage disease, music lifted Dale’s spirits like nothing else, and he would often break into his “freestyle” dance. During the last few years of our daily walks, we would sing together. “You Are My Sunshine” was a favorite.
While it’s difficult to know when the last time is for anything in this disease, it appears that our singing together has come to an end.
I still sing to Dale. But I miss his voice. I miss his exuberant rendition of certain songs. I miss the sound of our voices together.
And I miss that “sound” in other aspects of life. Although I’ve had years to become accustomed to doing many things alone, I still feel an uneasy silence where his voice used to be. I think, “Dale would know this.” “Dale would remember that story.” I yearn for his humor and laughter, his reality-checks, his loving reassurance. I long to hear his part of the duet we once sang together as a couple.
In my grieving, it is comforting to remember that from the beginning of our marriage till now, others have been singing with us. A sanctuary filled with friends and family witnessed our union. Loved ones have been there for and with us—our “back-up singers” who made our song more beautiful. That is still true.
It also helps to affirm that the melody we sang as a couple sounds on. I hear it in the daily walk of this journey. And as some music does, it has made its way into my very being. I am more than I was because of our relationship, because of who we were and are together. I carry our song within me.
As decisions in this stage of his illness become more difficult, may I sing our song with courage, listening for Dale’s part so we are in tune. May Love always remain its theme.