It was October 2016 and we were sitting at the kitchen table, eating our morning cereal. I was looking at news articles on my phone and mentioning headlines to Dale.
Suddenly Dale was tearful. When I asked what was wrong, he said, “I’m so sad for the bishop.”
“The bishop” was Dale’s name for our friend, Kenneth Carder. We had not been talking about him, but suddenly Dale was crying for him.
For months we had been visiting Kenneth’s wife Linda at Bethany, the memory care unit in our retirement community. With each visit, I would have to remind Dale why we were going. I had no idea that he could retain any understanding of the Carders’ situation.
Decades earlier, Dale preached a sermon with the title, “What Do You Know by Heart?” At the beginning of the sermon, Dale explained that his question was not about rote memorization, but about the things that we know by heart, that are “etched upon the walls of our inner being, stitched upon the fabric of our souls.” He then shared stories in which Grace was experienced and the person was touched deeply—and changed by—Love.
That sermon title and meaning remained with me over the years. Following the breakfast table conversation, I wrote in my journal: “He may not remember many things, but he knows the important things by heart.” I noted also that he had cried at a neighbor’s funeral the previous week and had cried when he learned about another neighbor’s illness. He would not have been able to recite any details about these people, but he was able to know deeply and share in the sadness of each situation.
Despite greater confusion and far fewer words now, Dale embodies important things by heart. He greets each person he sees with warmth and genuineness: “You’re good!” or simply, “You ARE!” One of the last times we were in our community dining room Dale told a new server, “I love you!” The light in her face revealed the power of his heartfelt statement.
I will close with words from his sermon: “…Grace spills forth…not because we earn it. We can’t. Not because we merit it. We can’t. But only because at the heart of all life beats a heart of Love. I know this by heart because it changed my life.”
Yes indeed, Dale. Thanks be to God.
Images and Reflections 
Thank you, Norma.
LikeLiked by 1 person
On a rainy afternoon of “quarantine” because of COVID-19, I read your blog. Somehow you always manage to lift my spirit! My Dad is in a care facility that is no longer allowing visitors. We talk on the phone almost every day. It is usually the same conversation over and over again, but I am increasingly grateful that we can still talk together. He still has most of his words although he struggles to remember them. You have given me a new perspective. I now concentrate on what he CAN do instead of lamenting what he cannot. Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so thankful that this was uplifting to you. I really feel for you and your dad…and for everyone in that situation. About what Dale can do (as opposed to what he can’t): it’s hard to focus on that in the moment. Writing these pieces helps remind me of that, too. Thank you for reading and sharing!
LikeLike
Norma, thank you for sharing this. You reminded me of my Mom, who suffered from Alzheimer disease, and some of her “by heart” behaviors.
I’m thinking about offering part of your blog post in a sermon. I wonder if that is ok with you. Nanci Hicks
LikeLike
Thank you, Nanci. I would be honored for you to share this in a sermon.
LikeLike